Wake up at 2am. Starving, no dinner last night. The power is off. Pack in the dark. Go outside. Wait 45 fucking minutes for the bloody van. Get as much mosquito bites as possible. The van arrives. Smells like durians. 6am, arrive in Saigon. Realize they didn't clean my room. Smells like shit. Gotta work in a couple of hours. I'm in hell. I didn't smoke.
Wake up at 8am and open the windows. No cars, no bikes, no people... no noise. Only mountains and a light blue sky. Dai picks me up and drives me to the lake where we have a nice iced tea. A long talk about animal rights takes place. I'm happy. It was probably the most meaningful conversation since I arrived in Vietnam.
Dai orders coffee. Hot black coffee. I open my bag... where are my cigarettes? Oh... instead of mumbling I smiled. For a second I didn't even remember I quit smoking. And that's what I need: to forget. To forget I can't smoke, to forget I used to smoke, to forget I like to smoke. And that's my game. That's how I am doing it. And anytime I even consider lighting up one I look at the mirror and I ask myself: Are you a rat or a woman?
Wake up at 9h00. Look for my pack of cigarettes. There's a sticky note on it: "today is the day you stop smoking". Breath in and breath out and mumble: "shit". Open my bag and grab 4 packs of cigarettes. Wonder what am I going to do with it... am I going to give it to someone else? No... Went to the bathroom and smashed one by one. Had a long hot shower and looked at my face in the mirror and thoughtk: you better look better within a month bitch. And with that frustration, courage, sadness and hope I packed my bags and left. 18 hours have passed. I'm in hell.
Wake up at 9am. The air con is off. I'm melting. 35 celsius outside.
Light up a cigarette in the balcony.
Meet a friend for lunch. On the way back I decide I want to quit smoking for all the reasons in the world and for no special reason at all.
Ask friends about it. Start reading the book "Easy way to stop smoking" by Allan Carr.